i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
