I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
