I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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