Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
