Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
