Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
