you guys were way drunker than both of me
Your dad touched me again.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
where are my eyebrows?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
