wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
