Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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