I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
