woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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