I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
