You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
