In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you had me at cake vodka
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
