you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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