well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
