what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
