I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
