chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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