Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
