I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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