I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
