listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
