How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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