Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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