I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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