Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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