Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
