Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
