You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
