I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
