OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
