She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
