We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
