I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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