I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
