Just took my morning after pill in the library
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Randomize
