Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
