how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
