ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
