dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
