operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
