Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
