my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
