We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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