Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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