I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Can I color on your dick again?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
