i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
