Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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