Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
