So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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