you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
it's great music for shaving your balls
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
