even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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