So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Come see our sink grown plant.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
