If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
