i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
