Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
