hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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