my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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