I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
