Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
