Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
