um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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