did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
