She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
