But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
