Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
